I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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