ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
