I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
