your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
this hospital has no fireball
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
