Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
