i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
