Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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