Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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