the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i think i have two assholes
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
