woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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