I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
