She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
