I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
