oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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