I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
