David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
