So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
