She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
