everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
