i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
