new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
