I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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