there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
