i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
