hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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