he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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