After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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