just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
