I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
