drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
