Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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