I'm jealous of your bromance
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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