i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
