He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
