You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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