he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
