I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
