That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
