Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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