I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
