This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
