i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
