So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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