Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
