you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
