The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
