you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
