Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
