yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
