the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
