you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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