Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
