I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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