this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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