I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
