Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
