his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
