At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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