this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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