Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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