oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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