I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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